A Present: A Snow Day

I get it now. I get why we have weather forecasters. I get why my neighbors were asking me months ago if I had a snowplower lined up. I get why the grocery shelves were depleted yesterday on my milk run. I get that ski pants can double as shoveling-snow-pants. I get why the kids love snow days. Eight inches over night and still dumping. Sitting here at dawn watching the snowflakes float and gather on the naked tree branches, wrapping everything in white, it's so peaceful and beautiful. Our first New England winter and it's proving to be a doozy. At least that's what we've been told.
It really is nice to have an excuse to step out of the hectic chaos of everyday life because Nature Says So.  I will still work today since I work from home, but the kids will welcome the break from their go-go-go school routine. Alexa especially who is coming up on finals for the term and Sofie who will no doubt have us playing dominoes with a batch of cookies in the oven before noon. There are also sleds that need breaking in and snowmen and snow angels to conjur.  It's amusing enough just watching our one year old pup navigate the powder, her tongue lapping at random snowflakes.

This week marks six months into our move. I would have to say the past few months have been our toughest yet. As the novelty of our adventure waned and reality sunk in, we went through the motions of holidays and life with a shadow of homesickness ever present.

Present. Soemone once asked me this question: If you had only one word to describe yourself, what would it be? I remember now my answer (do you remember Adri?): Present. Living in the present through this transition has not been an easy thing to do. Missing friends and family and California, constantly concerned about the future, I seem to have lost the Present. It can be so difficult to live in the Present, constantly fending off fear and doubt. Fear especially drives you away from the Present. Fear of whether you did the right thing, fear of making a wrong decision or fear of taking a risk. Doubt in your intuition, doubt in your beliefs, doubt in humanity. But when you let fear and doubt fall away, living in the Present can become an addicting habit.

I want only to live now in this moment. I don't want to worry about the past or the future, I want to be here, absorbed in the Present. When I show up for work or family dinner, or talking to Siena on the phone and she's 3,000 miles away, I want to be Present, 100%. When I'm tucking kids in bed (when they let me any more) I don't want to be thinking about the laundry I need to fold, I want to be totally Present for those precious moments. Cheering for my daughter at a soccer game, I am absolutely enraptured one moment and planning that night's dinner the next. When a child says to me "I love you higher than God's place," it plants me right there, in the Present with a smile and a sigh. Yoga demands full Presence. Limbs stretching in precarious directions, African chants in the background, and focusing on the yogi's voice, empties my mind of past and future and focuses immediately and unconditionally on the present. Maybe that's why I enjoy yoga so much.

There's another definition to Present, which might refer to how you can be a Present, a gift, to all around you. When you are Present, you become a Present. When you give yourself over to the Present, others see the value in your Presence, you become a Present. 

I need to do more of that. Actually, today, a snow day, is the perfect opportunity to get started on my Present life.

Cali -- that's short for California, where we all left our hearts this summer

It's official, I am a dog person.  It took two short weeks for me to fall in love with our new pup, Cali.  Of course, I grumble a bit at 6:15 am when I gotta roll out of bed and get her out for her run around the yard, but how can ANYONE be grumpy when two brown eyes look up at you and tail is wagging so eagerly that her bottom is moving from side to side too. Nobody is THAT happy to see me at 6:30 a.m.  And she's even patient enough to let me grab a coffee before we head out.  Yep, my mornings have a happy beat to them in the company of Cali.
We rescued Cali from the Labs For Rescue foundation. She's a 7-month old black Lab-German Shephard mix (they think...).  She came to us already crate trained, house broken and sitting on command.  She has floppy ears and a long nose, two features that set her apart from pure labs we see.  We like to say she has the best of both gene pools:  happy like a lab and smart like a German Shepard.  She loves to play fetch with the tennis ball and she LOVES the dog park.  She is very social around kids and other dogs, sometimes her enthusiasm gets the best of her and we need to remind her of her size. 
Every instinct in that dogs body is on alert when Oski and Rosie walk by.  She wants so desperately to chase them. But she doesn't. She already understands "leave it" when the kitties come around.  Often a stare down ensues between cat (usually Oski) and dog.  Rosie for the most part  hides under beds and comes out for meals when Cali is in her crate.
Cali likes to go for runs with Alexa but when she gets tired, she simply sits down.  The first time this happened Alexa had to carry that 50-pound dog home in 90-degree heat.  Now Alexa goes out with treats in her pocket just in case Cali needs a little encouraging.  If Cali has a best friend, I would say right now that would be Sofie.  Sofie started back at middle school this week and it's been a bit of an uphill climb.  The school is huge and the schedule is packed with eight classes and a homeroom period.  To complicate things, kids are not allowed to carry backpacks at school (they keep them in their lockers) and Sofie's locker happens to be on the third floor.  I have to say, Sofie loves her teachers and smaller classes (15-18 kids) but there is no time for socializing; outside of the 20 minute lunch period, she has 4 minutes between classes to navigate the labyrinth and manage her materials.  It is an absolutely exhausting day mentally, emotionally and physically.  But still, the first thing Sofie does when she comes home from school is head to the yard with Cali for a game of keep away. It is so funny to watch Sof run around the yard with Cali's stuffed squirrel and that dog chases her down and LOVES that girl. I know, dogs don't have emotions.  But this dog is special and she has brought a little spark to a girl's life just when she needed it most.
In the next town there is a really nice dog kennel (complete with in ground pool for "free swim") and "doggie day care." (OMG!- I AM a dog person!!)  We left Cali there for the day on Sunday so we could explore the beaches of Rhode Island.  She had a great time and we enjoyed the change of scenery. We had heard the beaches "up north" were a lot like California beaches and true, there were waves and wide white sandy beaches (vs. calm waters and rocky beaches in CT) but the wind was enough to blow your towel across the Atlantic!  Apparently the coast was experiencing some residual effects from the hurricane that brushed by last week.  So we look forward to going back to Misquamicut Beach another time when the weather is cooperating. Plus I heard that dogs are allowed on the beaches between November to April.  Cali and I definitely have some beach days in our future!

Cali gets a belly rub from her buddy.

Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island

There She Goes

I am sitting at Siena's desk looking out at the treetops of Coral Gables.  Just spent the last three days moving her into the University of Miami. Just said good bye....

It's only natural for a mom to make the kindergarten - college comparison. I've been flashing back on those little girl moments for days now. There she goes. All confident and self assured. All proud that she's on her own. Feeling pretty independent and eager for new adventure. Eyes sparkling, seeking out the new faces of future friends. Not even aware that I'm watching her every move. Will someone help her out if she scrapes a knee, gets bullied or teased? Who will give her an encouraging word when that first assignment doesn't turn out just exactly as planned? Broken shoelaces, broken heart, broken promises. Exceeding a goal, acing a test, learning to trust. I've spent the last 18 years preparing her for this step, but my heart is aching and bursting with pride at the same time. I know she's ready, I know I'm ready to let her go, but honestly, where did the time go? I meant to bake more, to argue less. I loved Barney sing-alongs in the car, the joy of making peanut butter celery and honey toast,  of late night trips to the drug store for poster board, running forgotten lunch to the school, no-sleeping slumber parties and exhausting days at crowded amusement parks.  Shopping for cleats, prom dresses and the perfect first day of school outfit.  Now there she goes. The memories are tumbling out of me...

Single french braid, tight, right down the top. No bows. Absolutely no bows. You can't french braid your own hair, so who will do it? And will they notice the beautiful sunstreaked strands?
Exploring and always looking ahead to the next trip. Playing soccer in Croatia with a bunch of boys. Where will her International Studies major take her? Will she be safe?
Thumbs flying across the key board, mastering the art of texting. Will she remember to text me once in awhile? As much as I'd love to hear her voice, a text would make my day.
Soccer. Track. More soccer.  Her high school coach once told her, she runs so gracefully. Watching her races from the bleachers, my stomach in knots, my smiling face reflecting the graceful athlete she was.  Will she find a way to follow her passion for sports?
Visiting her cancer-sticken friend on Halloween night,  a kind, patient and loyal friend.  Who will her new friends be? Can she hold on to some of those special childhood friends? I miss them almost as much as she.
Wise and generous sister.  Encouraging words and sneaking chocolate behind mom's back.  Pitching in to babysit when mom went back to work. Always willing to share a shirt, a sundress. Did she pinky promise to always be there for her sisters?
Tumbling head-over-heals at a soccer game. Broken collar bone but refused to be pulled out of the game. Resilient, this one. Tough. What exactly is the emergency when a hurricane hits?
9,000 feet up Half Dome. Smiles with dad are ear to ear.  She loves the outdoors.  She has the beach here. Will she wear sunscreen?
Eight pairs of high heels,  ten pairs of flip flops, one pair of running shoes. Where will she store it all in her ten-by-twenty room?
Aptly nicknamed"Schtifty"by her Opa.  Translation: young apprentice. Sweet and loving granddaughter. Will she have time for our phone calls?

Fiercely independent, relentlessly loyal, deeply compassionate. I know she is and will continue to contribute to society as a creative problem solver, a dedicated, hard worker, and independent thinker.  She is all of this and fun loving, carefree and trusting at the same time. I know she is in the right place to find her potential and I know the road will be bumpy at times. My prayer for her goes something like this:

Please, Lord, let her path be just the right amount of rocky and smooth Let there be loads of sunshine for basking and epic views into a hopeful future.  Let there be people on the way who inspire and support her, and let her be open to these experiences with trust but not gullibility. I hope she doesn't break any bones when taking risks; broken hearts are just a given in taking risks in love, but that's only something she will learn first hand. Remind her that her intuition is more important than any analysis and sometimes she will have to listen to her heart without her brain's permission. Let her hold tight to the family who adores her, even while we let her go.
Amen.

There she goes...

Siena's walk from dorm to classes everyday! Life is good!

Road Trip to MA

Being the Queen of Procrastination (especially when it comes to unpacking brown boxes), I jumped at the chance to explore Massachusetts this past weekend with the family, where Alexa will be attending soccer camp. MA is a short 30 minutes from our house. For Californians it's so strange to be able to hop from state to state. Whereas a typical water cooler conversation in a California office might be "What did you do this weekend? Went to LA, Santa Cruz...Napa... Tahoe..."   Here in CT, it's more like..."Went to Maine...New Hampshire... Nantucket...Boston..."
We balanced our MA weekend with history and adventure. The adventure part was a trip to Six Flags New England, which boasts having the largest, fastest steel roller coaster (anywhere?).  The kids talked Barry and I into a 90 minute wait and a 90 second thrill on the Bizarro roller coaster.  It was probably my last roller coaster ride EVER.  People over the age of 40 should not be allowed on Bizarro.  It's too dangerous for our straining hearts. This particular theme park includes a pretty big water park as well. So while Barry and I found two perfect lounge chairs for napping, the girls went water sliding. It was a great day but absolutely exhausting.
The history part of the trip was an excursion to Deefield, MA.  This is where Barry's ancestors settled when they first came to America in the 1680's.  It's a beautifully preserved town which really gives you a good idea of how the early pioneers survived.  Right there on Main Street, was the museum home of the Sheldon family! How cool to actually walk through the home of your ancestors and consider all the risk and hard work they endured to survive as pioneers seeking a better life and new opportunities for their family.  It was so humbling. We saw the original Sheldon family bible and many other artifacts that had been traced back to the original Sheldon family.  We will no doubt be making numerous visits to Deerfield with other Sheldon family members in toe, so we are annual pass holders to the Deerfield Historical Society. Much to the dismay of the kids, we are not annual pass holders to Six Flags New England.
Siena has a friend she met in Hawaii this summer who lives near the MA boarder who invited her to the John Mayer concert while we were up north. It worked out perfectly and she had a blast! We stayed in Springfield, MA--home to the Basketball Hall of Fame. This town is obsessed with basketball!  There is currently a public art exhibit which consists of elaborately painted 5-foot high sneakers on display throughout the city. Everywhere you turned there were very tall people bouncing basketballs.  Apparently the annual inductee ceremony is this weekend, and includes Scotty Pippen and the US Olympic Dream Team from 1992.   How cool to know we could actually drive up for the day if we wanted to!
On our way home we dropped Alexa off at the boarding school where her soccer camp is being held. I don't know if she was nervous, but I was nervous for her.  I had butterflies as we pulled into the turnabout surrounded by ivy covered gothic buildings. Here's my girl, never been to MA until yesterday, never met a single one of these kids (there are about 200 attending the camp and 40+ are from her high school!), hasn't touched a soccer ball since I don't know when...Lump in throat, I waved good bye and sent a prayer up that at least one girl at the camp will see Alexa for the sweet person she is.
Our next road trip will probably be Rhode Island, more specifically; beaches with waves! For now, the brown boxes are calling me.

Battling the Brown Boxes

First night in our New England Cape. We vacillate from cozy to chaotic, happy to melancholy, humid to chilly! We love our new home. As if on cue, this morning during breakfast, a doe and her spotted twin fawns came grazing by our kitchen nook window.  We decided to have coffee on the back patio, where it's 75 degrees by 9 a.m.
The girls are settling in beyond my wildest expectations. My fear that the spark of their adolescent ways (the silly pranks, their obscure observations, the spontaneous "I love you Mama"s) would fade... all of that unnecessary worry as they continue to both inspire and entertain.  This past week while I managed the contractors at the house and started back to work simultaneously, the girls were busy making their own tracks.
Sisi went to New Jersey and spent three days with her new college roommate.  They went to a concert and spent time on the Jersey shore.  She had a blast! The two of them hit if off like old familiar friends. I was beyond proud of my daughter who had to manage her own way home from NJ by train, including a transfer by taxi from Penn to Grand Central Stations in NYC. She is managing the city life like it's second nature to her. She is ready to launch!
Let me tell you now about my little A, now the mature and grown up A. She attended a week long lacrosse clinic at her new high school this past week.  Her mom signed her up not knowing the clinic was meant for younger players.  The weather was some of the most humid and hot we've seen yet. But A went out with her typical enthusiasm and an open mind. She got to know the H.S. coach, as well as one of the high school alumni who is now playing lax at CAL! Her new Cal pal is now working out with A one on one. A. won the shootout on the last day of the clinic, but gave up the prize because she'd already won a prize earlier in the week. She goes to soccer camp in MA next week with the h.s. soccer team. She is very busy decorating her California Surf room (picture palm trees, teal blue and plenty of sea shells).
Little Sof celebrated her birthday with a trip to the Aquarium and dinner at a fondue restaurant. She spent this last week at "Glee Camp," where she sang and danced her way through eight songs! It was one of her best performances yet! The choreographer and voice coach were "real live" Broadway performers. I was so amazed that just two weeks ago she was saying farewell to her beloved directors, Jeff and Steph in CA, and now, center stage in a whole new production. We had gelatto to celebrate.
My kids inspire me. Their willingness to trust, to embrace the day, to carry on despite missing friends and family terribly, makes me feel blessed and ever grateful. 
Final note: we watched the Giants sweep the Dodgers on t.v. tonight!

Move In: 24-hours and Counting

Many wonderful surprises have been uncovered in our lovely New England Cape since we took ownership last week. The birds and deer love the creek that trickles down the north side of our property, the neighbors across the street are from Australia, we have a hidden china cabinet in the dining room, there's a walk up storage attic above the garage! Of course there have been other surprises as well: no cable has ever been run to the house for tv or dsl. The only room without hardwood had cork floors under teal carpet. A beehive as big as a soccer ball was hanging just outside Sofie's window, none of the rooms has ceiling lights. So we have a crew of eight or so contractors who have descended on the house and are spiffing it up before the moving truck arrives on Monday. Unpackers arrive Tuesday. I hope to be back to work on Wednesday!
My search for a new kitchen table ended at the workshop of an Irish carpenter, Patrick, in Norwalk who handcrafts furniture from reclaimed wood. I am in love with my kitchen table.  Many of you remember our old beloved pine table (the first piece of furniture Barry and I bought when we got married) which will be moving to the screened-in porch.  When Patrick delivered the table he and Barry immediately began measuring out where the pub table and bar will fit nicely in the great room (this was formally the formal living room which will be anything but formal in our house). I had to remind them, this is a "family" room not a man cave. 
Since Siena arrived a week ago, the girls have toggled between beach days and city days. Friday they went into the city with Cindy and spent the night at the Millennium Hotel on Times Square. They went to see In The Heights and they all LOVED it! Sofie's friend, Lauren, was in town so she met up for some sightseeing with them, while Siena and Alexa went shopping--Cindy was busy with her daughter.  I didn't think I would get to this point so soon: my girls navigating their way around New York City on their own. They had a great time even though it was a stiffling 98-degrees. They discovered Peanut Butter and Company (recommendation: the Fluffenutter shake) and you can't have too many shakes in one day so they hit Shake Shack too.  Barry and I drove into the city and had dinner with Lauren's family and Cindy too.  It was such a surreal feeling to be sitting in a NYC restaurant with Danville friends. I didn't want to leave and we shut the restaurant down at 11!  So much fun! We have already made plans for their next trip: Cooperstown and the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Barry and I were walking down memory lane and realized in 20 years of marriage this is our sixth move. We have never moved to a house that was older than we are and that was filled with so many "surprises."  It's definitely adding to the adventure.

Week One in New England

Hard to believe a week ago I managed to say good bye to friends and family, board a plane with a cat foaming at the mouth, and settle into temporary housing in Darien, CT. "Settle" isn't the right choice of words as it seems everyday we are outa this apartment exploring our new surroundings. While the beach is a short five minute drive a way, we have learned there are good beach days and bad beach days. A bad beach day is when thunderstorms are predicted. This was the day the lifeguard asked us patiently to stay out of the water for fear of electrocution. (We were acting like foreign tourists and ignoring the "Water Closed" sign.) But no worries, we've had good beach days when the water is warm and calm and the beach is sandy and "Uncle's Snack Shack" serves up a decent burger. The beaches are a definite highlight here.
Another major highlight is our short 50 minute train ride or 40 minute car ride to New York City! Our forays into the city have not included a lot of sightseeing yet, however, as we have been on a mission to find what we need to make our home our home when we move in, in one week! The girls went hog wild in the PB Teen store and I was overwhelmed by the 10,000 rugs at the ABC Rug Store.  Fortunately for us, Danville friend and designer Cindy is in NYC while her daughter Monica attends ABT (she's a serious ballerina and loves the city as much as her mom). Cindy helped me find the perfect rugs for our hardwood floors (the only rug we've ever owned is a bath mat and wall to wall carpet).  Sorting through the 10,000 choices for me was not just like finding a needle in a haystack, more like poking me in the eye with the needle while I tried to roll in the haystack. I was that overwhelmed. Thank goodness for Cindy. 
We have had some wonderful culinary adventures in NYC this week, as it's Restaurant Week where many of the city's fine restaurants offer up their specialties on Pris Fix menus at a reasonable rate. (Again, a tip from our savvy NYC guide Cindy.) Our girls are taking after their dad as culinary critics. We enjoyed an amazing lunch at David Burke's Townhouse, which included a cheesecake lollipop tree for dessert. The Jean George at Trump Towers didn't impress as much as the exotic smells and flavors we experienced at Spice Market (also a Jean George restaurant) located in the fun and trendy meat packing district. I keep reminding Barry, a girl needs sustenance when making important purchases.  We plan to start a separate blog to log our restaurant reviews. Needless to say our brief jaunts into NYC so far have been a huge highlight and each time we say we can't wait to go back!
In sharp contrast to NYC, we retreat back to this quaint picturesque New England seaside town of Darien, CT (population around 20,000). It is lush and green, the archetecture is old and traditional, the people are friendly. The weather....well that's a whole other blog entry. Let's just say I'm still learning how to tame the frizzies in this thick humidity. Every day I'm shocked when I catch a glance of myself in the mirror and realize my hair is having a party without me. I've put the girls on frizz patrol and if they notice it's getting out of control they hand me a hair band and subtley suggest, "mom, would you like one?"
I do get why folks spend so much time talking about the weather here, because actually you do have to plan your life around it a bit. Case in point: my birthday excursion today was to include stand up paddle boarding. There's a place in the next town, Rowayton, that rents boards and kayaks and offers guided kayak-yoga excursions out to the islands in the sound.  Well, I hear thunder rumbling in the distance and while it IS 80-degrees at 9 a.m.right now, paddling in the rain just doesn't sound like fun to me. We may just have to check out the acquarium in Norwalk and dinner tonight is seaside at the Rowayton Fish Market. I am so happy to have my family here to celebrate (Siena just got in last night!).
My birthday present to myself this morning was enjoying a nice cup of illy and giving myself time to start this blog.  I hope to use it as a way to keep in touch with the many of you who have been so important to us in shaping our lives. We have shared many joys and survived many challenges together and I have no intention of ending that chapter just because I happened to move 3,000 miles away.  I'm not one to typically tip toe down the path, so as I plunge ahead and dive off this cliff, I'm bringing you all with me. I could go nowhere without the moral support, sage advice and unyeilding friendship I've been blessed with. Thanks for everything and we'll see you soon!