There She Goes

I am sitting at Siena's desk looking out at the treetops of Coral Gables.  Just spent the last three days moving her into the University of Miami. Just said good bye....

It's only natural for a mom to make the kindergarten - college comparison. I've been flashing back on those little girl moments for days now. There she goes. All confident and self assured. All proud that she's on her own. Feeling pretty independent and eager for new adventure. Eyes sparkling, seeking out the new faces of future friends. Not even aware that I'm watching her every move. Will someone help her out if she scrapes a knee, gets bullied or teased? Who will give her an encouraging word when that first assignment doesn't turn out just exactly as planned? Broken shoelaces, broken heart, broken promises. Exceeding a goal, acing a test, learning to trust. I've spent the last 18 years preparing her for this step, but my heart is aching and bursting with pride at the same time. I know she's ready, I know I'm ready to let her go, but honestly, where did the time go? I meant to bake more, to argue less. I loved Barney sing-alongs in the car, the joy of making peanut butter celery and honey toast,  of late night trips to the drug store for poster board, running forgotten lunch to the school, no-sleeping slumber parties and exhausting days at crowded amusement parks.  Shopping for cleats, prom dresses and the perfect first day of school outfit.  Now there she goes. The memories are tumbling out of me...

Single french braid, tight, right down the top. No bows. Absolutely no bows. You can't french braid your own hair, so who will do it? And will they notice the beautiful sunstreaked strands?
Exploring and always looking ahead to the next trip. Playing soccer in Croatia with a bunch of boys. Where will her International Studies major take her? Will she be safe?
Thumbs flying across the key board, mastering the art of texting. Will she remember to text me once in awhile? As much as I'd love to hear her voice, a text would make my day.
Soccer. Track. More soccer.  Her high school coach once told her, she runs so gracefully. Watching her races from the bleachers, my stomach in knots, my smiling face reflecting the graceful athlete she was.  Will she find a way to follow her passion for sports?
Visiting her cancer-sticken friend on Halloween night,  a kind, patient and loyal friend.  Who will her new friends be? Can she hold on to some of those special childhood friends? I miss them almost as much as she.
Wise and generous sister.  Encouraging words and sneaking chocolate behind mom's back.  Pitching in to babysit when mom went back to work. Always willing to share a shirt, a sundress. Did she pinky promise to always be there for her sisters?
Tumbling head-over-heals at a soccer game. Broken collar bone but refused to be pulled out of the game. Resilient, this one. Tough. What exactly is the emergency when a hurricane hits?
9,000 feet up Half Dome. Smiles with dad are ear to ear.  She loves the outdoors.  She has the beach here. Will she wear sunscreen?
Eight pairs of high heels,  ten pairs of flip flops, one pair of running shoes. Where will she store it all in her ten-by-twenty room?
Aptly nicknamed"Schtifty"by her Opa.  Translation: young apprentice. Sweet and loving granddaughter. Will she have time for our phone calls?

Fiercely independent, relentlessly loyal, deeply compassionate. I know she is and will continue to contribute to society as a creative problem solver, a dedicated, hard worker, and independent thinker.  She is all of this and fun loving, carefree and trusting at the same time. I know she is in the right place to find her potential and I know the road will be bumpy at times. My prayer for her goes something like this:

Please, Lord, let her path be just the right amount of rocky and smooth Let there be loads of sunshine for basking and epic views into a hopeful future.  Let there be people on the way who inspire and support her, and let her be open to these experiences with trust but not gullibility. I hope she doesn't break any bones when taking risks; broken hearts are just a given in taking risks in love, but that's only something she will learn first hand. Remind her that her intuition is more important than any analysis and sometimes she will have to listen to her heart without her brain's permission. Let her hold tight to the family who adores her, even while we let her go.
Amen.

There she goes...

Siena's walk from dorm to classes everyday! Life is good!