A Present: A Snow Day

I get it now. I get why we have weather forecasters. I get why my neighbors were asking me months ago if I had a snowplower lined up. I get why the grocery shelves were depleted yesterday on my milk run. I get that ski pants can double as shoveling-snow-pants. I get why the kids love snow days. Eight inches over night and still dumping. Sitting here at dawn watching the snowflakes float and gather on the naked tree branches, wrapping everything in white, it's so peaceful and beautiful. Our first New England winter and it's proving to be a doozy. At least that's what we've been told.
It really is nice to have an excuse to step out of the hectic chaos of everyday life because Nature Says So.  I will still work today since I work from home, but the kids will welcome the break from their go-go-go school routine. Alexa especially who is coming up on finals for the term and Sofie who will no doubt have us playing dominoes with a batch of cookies in the oven before noon. There are also sleds that need breaking in and snowmen and snow angels to conjur.  It's amusing enough just watching our one year old pup navigate the powder, her tongue lapping at random snowflakes.

This week marks six months into our move. I would have to say the past few months have been our toughest yet. As the novelty of our adventure waned and reality sunk in, we went through the motions of holidays and life with a shadow of homesickness ever present.

Present. Soemone once asked me this question: If you had only one word to describe yourself, what would it be? I remember now my answer (do you remember Adri?): Present. Living in the present through this transition has not been an easy thing to do. Missing friends and family and California, constantly concerned about the future, I seem to have lost the Present. It can be so difficult to live in the Present, constantly fending off fear and doubt. Fear especially drives you away from the Present. Fear of whether you did the right thing, fear of making a wrong decision or fear of taking a risk. Doubt in your intuition, doubt in your beliefs, doubt in humanity. But when you let fear and doubt fall away, living in the Present can become an addicting habit.

I want only to live now in this moment. I don't want to worry about the past or the future, I want to be here, absorbed in the Present. When I show up for work or family dinner, or talking to Siena on the phone and she's 3,000 miles away, I want to be Present, 100%. When I'm tucking kids in bed (when they let me any more) I don't want to be thinking about the laundry I need to fold, I want to be totally Present for those precious moments. Cheering for my daughter at a soccer game, I am absolutely enraptured one moment and planning that night's dinner the next. When a child says to me "I love you higher than God's place," it plants me right there, in the Present with a smile and a sigh. Yoga demands full Presence. Limbs stretching in precarious directions, African chants in the background, and focusing on the yogi's voice, empties my mind of past and future and focuses immediately and unconditionally on the present. Maybe that's why I enjoy yoga so much.

There's another definition to Present, which might refer to how you can be a Present, a gift, to all around you. When you are Present, you become a Present. When you give yourself over to the Present, others see the value in your Presence, you become a Present. 

I need to do more of that. Actually, today, a snow day, is the perfect opportunity to get started on my Present life.